He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
