god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
