Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She's the barista slut.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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