census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
