My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm passing your future prison.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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