Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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