so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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