Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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