I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
