Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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