I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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