My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
