If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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