if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
