all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
