So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
