You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
