I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Green mimosas i think yes
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
