Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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