Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
