So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
