do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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