Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
