im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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