I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
