Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he puts the penis in happiness.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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