just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
