that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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