Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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