I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
