I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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