I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
