just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
