my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
