You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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