its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
