I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
