So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
