I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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