He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
