I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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