did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
