No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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