Soap is not a condiment
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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