tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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