a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
