I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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