I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
