Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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