My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
