We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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