happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
