Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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