What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
