You made me cry and you don't even care
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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