Already got asked if we're dating
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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