so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
