The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
