I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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