He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
