You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
