angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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