I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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