I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My vagina just recognized that song.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
