no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
