i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
