so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
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he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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