see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
