Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
