We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i now understand why vodka
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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