Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
