i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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