Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dicks are not precious.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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