Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
